Dear Birthday Santa,
For the upcoming celebration of my day of birth, I would like the following:
- Pants without gaping holes in the crotch,
- Rats that did not constantly smell like pee, despite how often I clean their cage,
- Hands that do not turn bluish-purple around the nails when I am cold (which is often at this time of year), and
- Prompt removal of all ice on sidewalks, bike paths, and roads.
If any of these are not available, jewels and roses and chocolate and whiskey will suffice as substitutes.
Sincerely yours,
Sami
